What is a Controlled Separation
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What is a Controlled Separation?

A controlled separation is a new method in dealing with marital issues that has gained in popularity over the last couple years. The eventual goal of controlled separations is to save the marriage by working alongside a counselor to devise a separation agreement with particular conditions.

Controlled separation enables spouses that are going through marital issues to live individually and, simultaneously negotiating and working toward finding solutions to their marital issues. It has been discovered to be successful when one of the spouses was uncompromising about getting divorced. Placing distance between the spouses and individually working with a counselor aids spouses to see things from a different point of view.

There are always instructions to adhere to that are written up in the form of a contract. The instructions are subject to the individual couple and what issues they are faced with. The following are instances of basic instructions a controlled separation agreement may include.

Controlled Separation Agreement Instructions

  • Set a deadline for the separation. Preferably 3 to 6 months, however spouses have the choice to determine any restriction on the time for their separation.
  • Neither spouse is going to file for divorce. It’s agreed upon that neither of the spouses is going to file for divorce throughout the particular time. And, when that turns into a choice for one spouse, a divorce is not going to be filed without having a discussion with the other spouse.
  • One of the spouses moves out of the home. Spouses choose who is going to move out of the home. If at all feasible the spouse that earns more should move.
  • Finances are divided throughout separation. All capital needs to be divided in an even handed and just way. Throughout a controlled separation, there are 2 households to financially maintain. It is vital that each of the spouses feels secure with their financial status throughout the separation.
  • Concentration on the well-being of the children. The children should not be overlooked in any possible way. There should be a routine visitation calendar and when agreed among the spouses, family excursions with the children.
  • How private the separation is going to be. An agreement as to whom gets told what and who is not. To keep down additional animosity or increasing conflict the spouses needs to agree concerning what is discussed about their separation and whom the details is shared with. There needs be a provision that addresses specific words to be used by each of the spouses when clarifying the separation to others. This keeps down the possibility of the separation developing into a “he said, she said” case.
  • When and how often is time going to be spent with one another? When the couple wants to spend time together out of the counselor’s office this can be worked out. Dinners with one another in which the marital issues are not talked about can usually help spouses emotionally reconnect. Time with one another as a family can help assure the children that they’re still loved by each of their parents.
  • Is there going to be intimacy throughout the separation? Whether or not to continue with the sexual relationship should be talked about. Each of the spouses needs to be on board with continuing sexual activity throughout the separation. Its not healthy to pressure sexual intimacy on one or the other spouses.
  • What is the ending date of the separation? It will be determined if one spouse can discontinue the contract or each of the both have reached an agreement concerning the end of the contracted separation period. Optimally, both spouses are going to agree on a time table and that no divorce is going to be filed throughout this time. The objective is to attempt and save the marriage so, that and not divorce needs to be the focus.

How Does Controlled Separation Assist?

The following list outlines some of the benefits of controlled separations and a integrated separation contract.

  • Ends the fighting.
  • Offers each of the spouses the space required for cooling off.
  • Stops the spouses from acting impulsively.
  • Spouses are able to experiment with living by themselves and having more freedom.
  • The chance to grow and determine your role in the marital issues.
  • A true trial of how you feel concerning your partner once you aren’t seeing them on a regular basis.
  • When the spouses do not reconcile it provides them the chance to prepare for an cordial divorce.


  1. Meyer, C. (2018, March 7). What are the benefits of a controlled separation? LiveAbout. Retrieved December 13, 2021, from https://www.liveabout.com/what-is-a-controlled-separation-1103153.

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