How To Speak With Your Spouse About Child Custody Options
Children are undoubtedly the most sensitive aspect of any divorce process. Unlike assets, they are living beings with feelings, wants, needs and are part of the journey of the divorce. Whenever parents separate, it can cause children to be confused and/or fearful. Their world may feel unstable as they anticipate many major changes in their lives. It’s very important to be able to talk to your partner regarding child custody options. It’s also essential to put the children’s needs at the forefront during this difficult time. In the state of Arizona, issues related to children, including legal decision-making and parenting time, must be hashed out during a divorce.
Talking To Your Children During A Divorce
Your primary focus as parents needs to be your kids. Unless they are unable to communicate, it’s crucial to talk to them about exactly what is happening and gather their thoughts on the matter. You always need to hear what your kids have to say, even if you are unable to give them what they desire.
Start by reassuring them that none of what’s happening is their fault. They also need to know they are loved unconditionally. If there has been any visible animosity between you and your partner, make sure your children know it’s not about them. You may even consider counseling for the kids if you feel they have been affected by this ongoing conflict.
Allow your children to be open with their feelings and discuss multiple scenarios. Again, you may not be able to give them everything they want at this time, but you can consider their feelings regardless of how the custody arrangements may unfold. You might need to explain new work, school and living situations to let them understand why you are making a specific choice. Your biggest role is to refrain from badmouthing the other parent, which can create an even uglier situation. Find a different and healthier outlet for any strong emotions or anger.
Tips For Talking About Child Custody Options
When it comes time to speak with your spouse regarding custody options, feel free to use these tips:
- Put Your Feelings Aside: You may feel angry or frustrated at this time, but these emotions don’t have a place in custody discussions. It can be challenging not to react based on instincts, but it’s important not to do so. Be civil and put your children’s needs first, always. In most situations, it’s positive for both parents to remain in their children’s lives. Your job is to figure out how to make this happen long-term.
- Conduct Yourselves Respectfully: Be cautious about venting to friends or on social media at this time. Make sure you follow any court orders that may be in place.
- Put Any New Relationships Aside: If, during a separation period, you moved on, it’s best to keep the new person’s contact with the kids limited. Give your children the necessary time to process the fact that the family they once knew is over. Introducing a new “parent” figure is best left for the future, once the kids have had the opportunity to cope with their feelings.
- Own Up To Any Shortcomings: If you have not been involved as a parent, now is the time to step up in their lives. Be both honest and willing to change any destructive behaviors as your family moves into this next phase, especially if you wish to remain in your children’s lives.
- Consider How Things Have Worked Thus Far: If your spouse has historically been the primary caretaker, then it might be best to keep that schedule moving forward. For instance, who is responsible for driving the kids to school and other activities? There will always be time down the road to adjust parenting schedules.
The Next Steps
The best child custody situations are the ones designed to keep the children feeling safe, secure and loved. It is up to you and your spouse to make this the top priority.
Attorney Arizona
There’s nothing better than the peace of mind you will have knowing you’ve protected your family at a time when they need it most. Let us help. Schedule a consultation or contact Ogborne Law, PLC of Arizona today.
