How to ask for a prenup without causing a breakup
Written by Michelle N. Ogborne

How to ask for a prenup without causing a breakup

When you’re deeply in love with someone and get engaged, it can feel like a slap in the face to be asked for a prenuptial agreement. If you’re going to ask for a prenup, you need to carefully plan out your approach. Wanting a prenup doesn’t mean you love them less, or that you don’t trust them—but how do you convey that? The last thing you want the request to do is to lead to a breakup.

How to Ask for a Prenup

If you aren’t careful when you ask for a prenup, it may feel like you’re predicting a divorce. No significant other wants to think that you have a doom and gloom outlook on a marriage that hasn’t even happened yet. However, being honest and communicating clearly can lay the foundation for a very successful marriage.

A prenuptial agreement is beneficial and important. The good news is, there are ways to ask for a prenup, without causing a breakup. Here are some tips that can help you navigate this touchy conversation.

  • Do it in an appropriate place. Honey, I want a prenup, is probably not the best conversation-starter during a fancy dinner. Find a private location, free from distractions, for both of you to share your feelings.
  • Ask, don’t demand. Sign this prenup, or we aren’t getting married, is an ultimatum you should avoid. Instead, start by asking to have a conversation about a difficult subject. Let your partner know this may feel uncomfortable to discuss. Ask them how they feel about a prenup. Ask if they’d be willing to sign one.
  • Share your feelings. I have been burned badly; I lost my business. It’s important to me to have a prenup. “I” statements are key in this situation. It’s important to share the reasons and fears of why you want to ask for a prenuptial agreement. Don’t just say, I’m scared, and leave it at that. Go into detail and allow your partner to weigh in.
  • Don’t get angry. Don’t tell your partner they are being unreasonable. Ask them why they are resistant. Pause the conversation if things start to feel tense. Resume your talk after both of you have time to cool down and think. Consider bringing a counselor or lawyer into the conversation as well.

Benefits of a Prenuptial Agreement

Your conversation about a prenuptial agreement should include the advantages for both you and your partner. Share some of the benefits, including:

  • Protecting assets. A prenup can protect assets that either party brings into the marriage. It can minimize the risk of losing them if there is a dissolution.
  • Protecting debts. It can also protect both parties from taking on the other’s debts.
  • Protecting businesses. If you build a business before your marriage, a prenup can let you keep it, as long as your spouse didn’t help create it. This can be very beneficial in the case of a generational family business.
  • Creating clarification. You can clarify any special agreements. Work with an attorney to determine what to include.

Get Help with a Difficult Conversation

It may not feel romantic to ask for a prenup, but it does show your commitment to the relationship. It may be useful to prepare your thoughts and enlist the help of a professional to walk you and your partner through the process. If you want to learn more about creating a prenup before your wedding day, contact Ogborne Law today.