Divorce Mediation
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How To Ask For A Divorce Peacefully

Are you wondering how to bring up the topic of divorce to your spouse? Below are a few simple tips to make this tough conversation a bit easier for both parties.

It may be very tricky to ask your spouse for a divorce without this topic causing an all-out war. Many individuals may be trying to figure out how to ask their partner about a divorce peacefully. While there is no “right way” to ask for a divorce, these eight tips can help make the entire process smoother.

1. Preparation Is Key

Make sure you know exactly where your spouse is emotionally before picking when and how to bring up a divorce. Their mindset at the time can undoubtedly make a big difference in how the topic is received. Consider their level of shock, especially if the “D” word has never once been mentioned during your marriage.

Understanding how aware and accepting your partner is regarding the state of your marriage will help you to gauge their reaction, as well. Talking first with a therapist or couples counselor can help you prepare for this conversation. These professionals can play out the interaction with you ahead of time and even offer advice.

2. Choose The Appropriate Time And Place

The right moment and setting will also play big roles in how this conversation proceeds. It’s important to know when to ask for a divorce. Consider both when and where this discussion should take place. It is suggested to have this talk when children are not around. Of course, there is no perfect time or setting to ask for a divorce, but some situations are better than others.

If your spouse is currently struggling with personal issues, it’s advised to let them work through these problems before bringing up a divorce. Otherwise, it’s typical to get a reaction that’s less about the divorce and more about everything else that’s taking place in his/her life. Choose a private place for this talk, such as a counselor’s office or at home.

3. Keep Calm For The Kids

Many children have been traumatized due to ongoing conflicts between their parents. Show your children that you can work together toward a peaceful divorce, which will give them a head start into what may seem like an uncertain future at first. Let them know that you will continue to be partners in parenting to always love and support them.

4. Listen To Your Spouse

You may begin the conversation, but make sure you listen intently to them once they begin speaking. It’s possible your spouse will bring up ideas to save the marriage. Always give them the much-needed opportunity to be heard. Letting them be heard is a great way to keep the peace during this stressful discussion.

5. Be Gentle And Firm At The Same Time

The way you tell your spouse may ultimately impact the way this process unfolds. If you bring up this topic while you are clearly agitated, your spouse may not take it seriously. Always remain calm while talking about divorce in a thoughtful and respectful manner.

While you have been thinking about divorce for quite some time, it’s possible the idea has never come up in your spouse’s mind. They will definitely need some time to let this news settle in, especially if it has come out of nowhere in their opinion.

6. Accept Responsibility

Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements, at this time. “You” statements, such as “you make me unhappy” will only come off as placing blame on your spouse. Both parties will experience a variety of emotions during this turbulent time, but not necessarily at the same moments. Give your partner time to collect their thoughts if they are not prepared to continue the conversation right away.

7. Be Understanding And Empathetic

Your partner may feel angry, sad or like you are just giving up on the marriage. Try to actively listen and understand their perspective. You have had time to think about divorce, while they have not, in some cases. It’s crucial to show some empathy and compassion for what they are going through at this moment.

8. Seek Professional Help

If you and your spouse wish to proceed with the divorce in a peaceful manner, then collaborative divorce is your best option. Contact a divorce attorney today!


  1. Dillon, Joe, et al. “The Best Way To Ask Your Spouse For A Divorce.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 7 Dec. 2017, http://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-ask-your-spouse-for-a-divorce_b_7367650.
  2. “Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-grownups/200911/telling-your-spouse-you-want-divorce.

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