How To Have An Amicable Divorce With Children

Divorce can be an incredibly difficult process when children are involved. Here are some helpful tips for how you and your children can better cope with this situation.

How To Help Children Cope With Divorce

• Make it clear to your children that you love them and that will never change. Explain to them that getting divorced will never impact your love for them.
• Refrain from sugarcoating this serious situation. If you make excuses for yourself or your spouse, it does not help your children express their feelings.
• Do not fight in front of the children. Keep all your heated arguments private and refrain from discussing your disputes with the children around.
• Always say goodbye with a smile on your face. Your children should always know that their company is welcomed and that you enjoyed your time with them.

Problems Divorcing Parents Could Encounter With Children

It’s common for children to believe they are getting divorced as well. They might not understand how you could abandon someone you once loved, and it can lead them to wonder if you could possibly leave them too. As their parents, you need to remind them frequently that the love adults have for each other is certainly different than the love parents have for their children. Now, back up this statement with your actions.

In an effort to make sense of this tough situation, children might decide they favor one parent over the other. Your child may not understand your feelings regarding your spouse, but they need to know they are still loved.

Oftentimes, kids may make threats in an attempt to get their parents back together once again. They could threaten to run away or ignore the parenting schedule. As their parents, you need to explain that you understand their anger, but this negative attitude will not change the circumstances. Prepare to have serious talks about what you, as the parents, can do to make the transition easier for your children.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

I don’t want this divorce to ruin my children’s lives – To help your children deal with the divorce, make sure to let them know they are loved and you will take care of them always.

I don’t want to stress out my children – Parents who argue constantly will only continue to stress the children out at this time. Reassure your children that they are loved, safe, and cared for. Remain patient with them during the transition. You may have grown accustomed to the idea of a divorce, but it will likely take your children more time to accept.

Should we explain why we are getting divorced? – Think about having some age-appropriate explanations that will ease your children’s fears about the situation.

Will they be confused if we parent differently? – As long as each parent is consistent within the home, the children will naturally adjust to the ground rules in both locations. Decisions like what time homework gets done or when to bathe the children are up to the parents residing in each home.

What if my children won’t open up to me? – If your children seem depressed or frustrated, it’s suggested that you explore alternative support options, such as counseling.

Collaborative Divorce Is A Peaceful Alternative

Collaborative divorce is undoubtedly the peaceful alternative to a traditional divorce. This process focuses more on coming together with your spouse to work toward some mutually beneficial resolutions. The biggest benefit of a collaborative divorce is that there will be no reason to ever step foot in court. Everything will be kept private between you and your spouse.

Collaborative divorce is a better alternative to traditional divorce for the following reasons:

• Control – With the assistance of attorneys, you and your spouse can decide what happens during this process.
• Cost – This route is often less expensive than litigation since there will be no court hearings to prepare for.
• Privacy – No court hearings mean a limited amount of documents must be filed. Most all conversations and negotiations will remain private between you and your spouse.
• Communication – Even if your communication during your marriage was poor, trained communication specialists can help you learn what to say and how to say things. They can also help you determine what you need to hear at this time. Specialists can ensure communication lines will remain open in the future for you, your spouse, and your children.

Source:

1. Hartwell-Walker, Marie. “Helping Kids Cope with Your Amicable Divorce.” Psych Central, 8 Oct. 2018, psychcentral.com/lib/helping-kids-cope-with-your-amicable-divorce/.

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