Learn The Corrosive Behaviors That Ruin Marriages
People get divorced every day, and there are plenty of reasons stated as to why the marriage didn’t work out. Maybe it ended because of infidelity or abuse, or maybe it was just that the couple “fell out of love.” Regardless of the final reason for the divorce it takes just as long as it does to decide to get married as it does to terminate the marriage.
Likely, the marriage started to crumble long before divorce papers were filed. It was those day-in and day-out nuisances that compounded and lead to people deciding on this course of action.
Could your marriage be susceptible and you don’t even know it?
1. Too Much Social Media
You’re probably thinking right now, “What? Social media? How could that contribute to divorce?”
As with any addiction, a need to check on social media multiple times a day could be putting a wedge between you and your spouse.
A lack of focus on your family divides you, often without you even realizing it. It’s the small things that will get you. For example: your partner doesn’t appreciate what you share about her on Facebook, or she’s too busy on Instagram to get dinner together some nights.
2. Working Too Much
Many a marriage has been strained from overwork. Late hours spent away from home can lead to a corrosive lack of intimacy between partners. When you’re at the office from sun up to sun down, something has to give—and it’s usually your marriage.
With being at work so much, we usually start to build stronger relationships with coworkers than we do with our own partners. You might find yourself thinking, “He understands me so much better” or “I love that she gets it when I talk about work.”
No doubt you’ve heard of the husband running off with his secretary. Yep, it started with working too much.
3. Disrespecting Each Other
This one can really sneak up on you without you even realizing it. Often, it’s not a blatant lack of respect; it’s usually subtle.
You nod and smile when she tells you about her day with the kids. She asks you to run through the honey-do list when you’re pushing against a work deadline.
When we aren’t paying attention we forget to channel some love toward our partners. We listen without hearing or we “forget” about what the other person appreciates breeding contempt.
4. Dishonesty and Lying
Little white lies may seem harmless in the moment, but they can build on themselves and develop into an outright lie.
It might start by omitting the fact that you stopped by the bar with some friends after work, and the next thing you know, you’re slamming your laptop shut when your spouse enters the room.
Honesty is a requirement for a strong relationship because it is the backbone of trust.
5. Lacking “Presence” and Avoiding Intimacy
Okay, these are two different things, but they really do go together. When you lack presence in your marriage, you’re there but you’re actually miles away. It’s a bit like being disrespectful, but it’s so much less intentional.
When we’re not there, we miss out on the nuances of the relationship, the way it ebbs and flows in your marriage dance creating resentment.
Which means you don’t want to spend time together. You don’t want to do anything nice for the other person. You certainly don’t want the emotional connection of making love. Before you know it, you’re merely roommates balancing children’s schedules.
Turn It Around
If any of these five components ring true for you, there’s definitely hope to turn the ship around. It starts with awareness. If you know it’s happening or you are actively working for it not to happen, you’ll be more engaged.
Talk to your partner. Build in mechanisms to avoid these kinds of situations. Call each other on things when you see them happening (remember to use “I feel” statements to avoid arguing in a detrimental way).
Create trust, intimacy, and strong communications, and you can avoid the day-to-day pitfalls that destroy marriages.
Engaging with an attorney to protect your family is never an easy step. Whether you need to protect your family from the unthinkable or restructure your family through collaborative divorce, we’re here to help. When you’re ready to schedule a consultation with Michelle Ogborne, please visit the scheduling page to get started.