Handling the Ex’s New Relationship

Now that the divorce is over, you’re adjusting to your life as a single parent. But what happens when your ex (or soon to be ex) has a new relationship?

You can scream all you want when the kids aren’t home but it’s important to maintain your cool they’re in your care.

You’re likely to have mixed feelings and that’s normal.

No matter how you feel about your ex moving on, remember that you can’t control the decisions they make including when they introduce the kids to this new person.

While you may have waited to introduce children to a new person, your ex may not have the same view and you have to respect that even if it upsets you.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Don’t get into a fight with your ex especially in front of the kids. They’ve likely seen and experienced a lifetime of you and your ex not getting along.
• Do keep the lines of communication open with your children so they can talk to you about changes in their life including their other parent’s new relationship.
• Also keep the lines of communication open with your ex so that you can discuss any child-related issues that arise. And while we know it can be hard because these topics involve your kids, we suggest you consider your conversations with them as business conversations and keep emotions at bay.
• Don’t ask the kids questions about the new relationship. They’re not the go-betweens for you. It’s none of your business except to the extent that they feel safe with this new person in their lives.
• Make it a rule to never speak negatively about the other parent or their new relationship in front of the children. Doing so makes your children feel like they have to pick sides and that’s not fair.

Support the involvement of your ex’s new partner in the lives of your children. Even if you don’t like your ex or their new love, your children don’t need to know.

It’s not going to change the facts of the situation.

What your spouse does isn’t your business unless it’s impacting your children negatively. If the kids are feeling put to the side because of the new relationship, consider expressing your concerns to your ex in a non-confrontational way.

Remember to keep the children the focus of all your conversations with your ex.